This might seem like a small detour of my regular āstartup writingā programmingā¦
ā¦but you subscribed to BatkoOS to hear about my OS (Operating System)ā¦
ā¦so here is my OS from the dadās perspective for the first week of your new life with a newborn :)
āš Ignore this if youāre not in this stage of life, come back to it when you get here!
Note:
This is not medical, nor financial advice and just my XP.
Every child and parent is completely different, so take this as an anecdote rather than advice.
Iām definitely not a pro and stumbling through the experience, but I wanted to share this to make expecting parentsā lives that touch easier.
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ā¤ļø Our Situation
Raphael (Rafa) Batko was born on the 1st of February.
We went through the public medical system and received incredible support from the midwives. Sadly, my wife got mastitis (breast infection) on Day 4 and again Day 17 and weāve been bottle-feeding most of the time so far. Weāre now making the journey back to breastfeeding through lactation consultants. Mastitis is/was one of lifeās curveballs and a terrible pain. The only upside has been that weāve strengthened the dad-son bond through all the time together bottle feeding and Iām grateful for that.
š¤Ŗ Whatās it like to have a Newborn?
The best way I can describe the experience to a non-parent is to appeal to the analytical brain, as the emotional side (love, obsession, highs lows) is close to impossible to explain.
For the analytical brain:
Below is your visual and analytical representation of the first week in the hospital.
The midwives ask you to capture each feed, wee and poo.
Every single one of these time markers represents the start of ~one hour that youāre awake - feeding, changing and settling.
You can back-solve the āsleeping windowsā š¤Ŗ.
To make it relatable to all the 90ās kids reading this:
A newborn is like having a Tamagotchi turned up to max stakes and volume.
The rules of the game: donāt let any of the timers go beyond 4h - tbf your baby will very likely make that easy and keep it between 2-3h š .
š§āš³ The Preparation / Setup
Course Labour with Love - the single best thing we did pre-birth, sign up for this all-day course in Maroubra talking through birth and the first few weeks with a baby
Midwife group - the midwives are incredible, get to know yours
TENS machine - our MVP tool for pre- and labour, we rented one, had it ready to go, helped the pain and bonus: it times the contractions
Cook - fill your freezer, believe me when I say you wonāt have time or the will for elaborate grocery shops and cooking, so do your future self a favour
Baby stuff - the only must-haves (imo) are a baby car seat, bassinet, nappies, wipes, changing table and swaddles (tight velcro ones are easiest).
Tip: but if you know youāll buy something for your baby later anyway, might as well buy it before the baby arrives (you have much more time!)
š©āā¤ļøāšØ Things to do before your baby
Your life will change completely, so I asked here what parents recommend non-parents to do to enjoy their time.
The most common answers:
Spend quality time with your partner
Sleep and have a weekend sleep-in
Restaurants - treat yourself and go to a couple of places you always wanted to go to
See friends - organise all the catchups, dinner parties or coffees
āØ Special Moments
Birth (obvs) - lots of reading material here, so not much from me, midwives are super happy to take pictures with your phone (if you want)
Cutting the cord - as a dad you canāt do much beyond being organised, supportive, have food and water ready, so cutting the cord is a small, nice and easy gesture to be part of the process
Naming day - this was a fun one I made up :) We didnāt know whether we had a boy or girl, we had a girl's name ready but struggled with boyās names. We tried a couple of names until we fell in love with Raphael. Every family member and friend will keep asking for your babyās name, so on Day 12 we had a little close family Name Day celebration - played hangman to guess the name, thanked the family for all the support, explained the meaning behind Raphael (hint: Gabrielle, Michael, Raphael) and opened up an old bottle of wine to mark the occasion.
āļø Systems
Family - if you have grandparents around, there is nothing that beats having family closeby
Blocks of time - simplified your 24h day/night is 8 blocks of 3 hours (1h feeding + 2h sleep or activity), plan sleep or the activity ahead of time or during the feed, as soon as our newborn is asleep we donāt waste time and bolt out of the house for a coffee, run, swim, groceries, start to cook or for a drive.
Chatgpt - my tech MVP, I use it for every question that pops into my head.
Bonus: on the left side of the app create a āprojectā with information about your child and set the conversational tone / ways youād like replies (for me: in bullet points)
Huckleberry - in short: Strava for Babies, in hospital theyāll ask you to track everything on a whiteboard anyway, so getting the app early gets you used to it, we love tracking everything in there as you can easily answer question like āhow much is he feedingā, āhow is his output = wee/pooā or as simple as which breast did you feed on last
Google Photos - if youāre as enamoured by your little one as us, youāll be taking a bazillion pictures, instead we set up a shared album on google photos and shared it with family and friends, every time we upload pictures they get a notification and can see all pictures in one place
Woolies - grocery delivery, especially for the first few days, you donāt want to be spending an hour+ grocery shopping
Support group Whatsapp - get friends with babies on speed dial, Iāve set up a support through for startup parents with babies born in H1 2025 on Whatsapp - if thatās you DM me
ā¶ļø Process
Breastfeeding support - breastfeeding is incredibly hard, it seems like something that should come naturally and it is dumbfounding as it definitely doesnāt, most mothers you speak to have had gruelling experiences
Top Tip: whilst in hospital press the support button to get a midwife to help you latch every single time before you breastfeed (!!!) I canāt stress enough how important that is and how every midwife is super happy to help
h/t Jax for the tip
Screaming bounce - this one is a pure anecdote from personal experience and I have no idea if it works for other babies, Iāve settled our son 100+ times by now, and experimented with all different positions, bounces, burps etc. My special trick is to do 3-5 big bounces from your knees to the beat (!) of the scream (not forceful but pattern disrupting), it startles the little one to stop screaming and heās then much easier to rock to sleep
š¼ Bonus: Breastfeeding - Inflammation / Mastitis
The lack of research and alignment of advice on breastfeeding has been mind-boggling.
So Iām including this special section as weāve now seen 5 different lactation consultants (and dozens of midwives and doctors) and even they contradict each other.
There are many reasons why your breast can get inflamed - overproduction of milk (donāt pump much more than your baby needs!), bacteria entering through cracked nipples, blocked ducts, etc.
It starts with your breasts feeling hot, at which stage you can manage through the below (or seek professional help). Once you get a fever or cold shakes thatās mastitis and you definitely need to go to the hospital and get treated (ie antibiotics).
Hereās the latest info on managing your breasts before / when they get inflamed (= hot).
Ice - as often as possible for 15mins, treat the inflammation how you would a sprained ankle
Light massage - breast very lightly (not strong!) to drain lymph nodes away from nipple in the direction of your body
No heat! - donāt apply heat, it is an inflammation it needs ice not heat (this used to be recommended, but research changed the recommendation)
Source: https://llli.org/breastfeeding-info/mastitis/ (international breastfeeding NFP)
Finally a massive thank you to my incredible wife, the all-star midwives (we donated to the Royal Hospital for Women - here- in case youāre in a position to donate too), our super supportive family and the loving friends weāve got!
Thank you so much for making this time so much easier and more enjoyable.
So paying it forward, I hope this blog post has (even just a tiny) positive impact on other parentsā experiences ā¤ļø
Good luck, it is a pretty special time, even if it feels terribly hard at the time - the most common word I hear to describe it is āshell shockedā š
Reading this as we tick over 12 weeks, and havenāt yet launched into the plethora of materials out there - thank you so much and congratulations!
Lmk when you do your first bit of travel - Kindershare will come in handy for you !