Good morning! I hope you got as much value as I did from the 6 excellent Exec Coaches. This is the final post with my summary of key interview takeaways.
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A big kudos to all the Exec Coaches:
~ Batko, CEO @ Startmate, Founder @ Puddle Pod & Startup Striders
Do you have an Executive Coach?
If you do and can recommend him/her - please leave their detail here (1 min).
👉 Here is the list of the above recommendations.
What is Exec Coaching?
Holding up the mirror for an individual to self-reflect.
- Hannah Yan Field
The most important aspect is holding and creating a space that's not only safe but also challenges the individual. - May Samali
As a coach, the core job is to accelerate the person that you work with as fast as possible to being the best version of their goals they can be. So it's not for you to determine the goals nor how they should get there. You are a pure accelerant as opposed to a director or an advisor. - Maxine Minter
Effective Coaching
Beyond professional goals, it is about personal dreams and values.
What is your deepest dream or desire and what are your biggest blockers in getting there?
- Leah Feuer
I coach the whole person. We focus on the “soul” line, not just the “goal” line. Making sure we are working towards your deepest dreams and highest self. - Leah Feuer
Dreams are all about the feel, impact, and vision. It's less about the how and more about the why. I’m looking for the dreams that give you goosebumps and make you well up a little bit. The stuff that keeps you motivated because it’s connected to your deepest desire. - Leah Feuer
Listening beyond what is said - emotions, needs, gut instincts, heart feelings, and energy levels.
What are they not saying but needs to be brought out and made explicit?
- May Samali
Being in tune with the body is also really powerful, touching on what emotions are coming up, identifying where is there stuck energy, and where inspiration is coming from. - May Samali
What's coming up? What's on your mind? What do you notice in your energy? What's here right now? Energy is a good word for it. Sometimes people might notice they're frustrated or feeling a bit antsy or maybe feeling really empowered and so that gives us a bit of a glimpse as to what's happening at the spirit, energy or heart level. - May Samali
Curious and avoiding presumptions and defensiveness.
Powerful questions tend to be how and what questions as opposed to why, which can tend towards a knee-jerk reaction of prematurely assessing a situation or casting judgment or an assumption about something or someone. How and what, on the other hand, are expansive broad questions that unlock context and insight, rather than just pure information or speculation. - Hannah Yan Field
I think of it as mining - trying to dig beneath the surface and shift what’s visible. Clarifying questions, open-ended questions and poking around the topic (sifting in the dirt) are important because often neither of you know exactly where the gold is. - Leah Feuer
Style of Coaching
Trust is at its core.
I want each relationship to feel almost like a best friend,
who's also really good at coaching.
- Leah Feuer
A significant percentage of clients will end up crying in the first session because there are things that surface that are so deeply personal or they’ve been too afraid to share or talk about. The questions I ask aren't everyday questions that we chat with our mates about or even our family. - Hannah Yan Field
If we want to push people outside their comfort zones, we need to build psychologically safe spaces and trusting relationships from the start. Otherwise, we risk coachees bringing a filtered version of themselves to the table. - May Samali
From direct advice, accountabitlity to asking self-discovery questions.
I’m a catalyst for ideas, not a script.
- Sabrina Wang
The most important role we have as coaches is to hold up the mirror, to challenge directly and courageously, to say the things that no one in the client’s world is ever going to tell them, to give them the feedback that people are too afraid or feel too conflicted to share. - Hannah Yan Field
But sometimes I have to subtly remind them that my job is not to give them the answers. And frankly, it would be my ultimate disservice to clients to be telling them what to do or giving them the answers, and not enabling them to develop their own capacity to self-solve. - Hannah Yan Field
I always get asked: What should I do? What's the right way to do this? CEOs are always curious about what others are doing. Most of the time it's sense checking because it can get really lonely at the top, as you would know. And so often you think you're the only one that's experiencing whatever you are. And a coach has that bird's eye view because they’re in touch with a lot of executives. And sometimes it's just wanting that validation, acknowledgement and to be seen. - May Samali
Asking empowering questions is a really important tool in our coaching toolbox, but it's not the only tool. I’ve learnt that we can do our clients a disservice if we stay purists for the sake of being purists and not offer them all that we can in the spirit of moving them forward. - May Samali
People don't need another mother or project manager. They need an accountability buddy and champion. - May Samali
People often ask me for help with prioritization, decision-making, and communication, but I’m rarely giving them a specific answer. Instead, I’m helping them find (and validate) what feels aligned and authentic to them. - Leah Feuer
I tell clients that I can wear a lot of different hats. I can be your CPO, friend, cheerleader or boot camp instructor. So I ask, how do you want me to show up right now? - Leah Feuer
Once you build trust, I can make recommendations. I am very clear though, why I recommend things. I recommend things not to say, this is the right way. I throw out ideas to see how they're reacting. Based on their reaction, let's craft a solution that's true and authentic for you. I’m a catalyst for ideas instead of a script. - Sabrina Wang
I think that this is a common misconception that the coach has the answer. What is the probability that that coach has better information about the right experiment to run than the founder who lives and breathes this space, and thinks about this problem all the time? - Maxine Minter
I don't generally give an answer or an immediate thought, in fact, and you probably can reflect on this yourself. So my most common diversion technique there would be to turn the exact same question back to the individual. So what do you think you should do? I'm not a purist as a coach. I will at times, if asked for it, offer advice. I will share experiences, mine and others. I'm seeing something that we're struggling to uncover. - Ben Hudson
Most Frequent Client Challenges
The most common question is “what should I do here?”
- Ben Hudson
Addressing underperformance and conflicts.
They want to fire someone, they don't know how to do it. They wanna hire someone, they don't know how to do it. They are having fights with their co-founders when they're not aligned on strategy. They're worried about their executives underperforming and they don't know how to talk about it.
These challenges often stem from difficulties in handling conflict and communication effectively. - Sabrina Wang
When not to withhold feedback. I think people will say they give feedback, and they know how to give feedback, but are they withholding it? And they say, “oh, it's just a small thing. I'll wait until the quarter review.” No - we have to communicate that right away and that's often uncomfortable. How do you communicate feedback? And when people give you feedback, how do you properly receive it in a way that makes the giver feel like you're really hearing them? - Sabrina Wang
The more common tactical questions are usually: My team isn't performing. I need to level up my skills to keep pace with what my company needs. I'm not getting enough out of my leadership team. Help me build skills in performance management, having difficult conversations. - Maxine Minter
Personal life blockers, as they impact professional performance.
Coaching can include themes in one’s personal life,
because life is not neatly compartmentalized.
It's all integrated.
- Hannah Yan Field
Then, I introduce a framework that I'm a huge fan of which is called positive intelligence, a tool for developing mental fitness. It’s a powerful tool that looks at the ways in which we self-sabotage, specifically around emotional reactivities and behaviors. A lot of these behaviors are very old and are survival mechanisms that we developed pre-adolescence as we learned to navigate and problem-solve our way through the world and the unique circumstances we found ourselves in. - Hannah Yan Field
As a coach, I can never force people to talk about things, but I wish that especially leaders understand how important your personal life is. - Sabrina Wang
Common Lessons
Identifying systemic issues beyond interpersonal conflicts.
We don't think of an organization as a system.
So we make the classic mistake of making it an interpersonal problem as opposed to a system problem.
- Maxine Minter
Looking at organizational dynamics, you might ask: How am I showing up as a leader who is stunting the growth of my executive team? For example, am I creating a culture of apathy because I'm so controlling about everything? Or because everything needs to go through me, I'm becoming the bottleneck of my organization and not allowing people to thrive, grow, and make mistakes? - Hannah Yan Field
Frequently, we don't think of an organization as a system. We don't think of an organization as a progression of interaction points that all have to run well together to produce the outcome we're trying to produce. So we make the classic mistake of making it an interpersonal problem as opposed to a system problem. As an example, someone might be underperforming but actually, it's because we don't have the right systems in place. There are lots of inefficiencies and you end up spending a lot of time supporting. - Maxine Minter
Recognition of your own role and responsibility for problems.
The question I think is worth asking is: How am I complicit in creating the circumstances that I'm not happy with? As human beings, we're not naturally good at understanding or examining what our role is in the less-than-ideal circumstances that we’re not happy with. - Hannah Yan Field
Often, they take responsibility for something that is not their responsibility to own. Where is my boundary here? What is my role? What is not my role? Where do I need to be clearer? - Ben Hudson
Reflection on your internal narratives and assumptions.
One of my favourite questions to ask clients is: “What is fact versus what is fiction?” By going back to first principles of what is factually true and delineating that from the narratives we generate to drive our perspectives, we can make more honest assessments and make better decisions. This kind of reflection is helpful for clients to improve environmental and internal awareness, learn from their mistakes, and ultimately augment their capacity to have greater agency and self-authority in their lives. - Hannah Yan Field
I'm interested in listening to narrative structures and the way that people put words together to construct their reality. I pay close attention to what is being said but also how it's being said. And then just letting curiosity guide me.
I'll even just say back what someone said to me and ask what do you hear in that or what do you notice about the way that you're constructing the story or the way that you're communicating with me? - Ben Hudson
Success
I don't define it.
I let the individual define it because it's subjective.
- Ben Hudson
Self-sufficiency.
If I was a fly on the wall watching Batko in 6 month’s time, what would I see? What are you saying, doing, thinking, eating, breathing? How would we know that Batko’s developed? - May Samali
The other measure of success is that we see consistent systems and habits in their day-to-day practice. So we are looking for deep transformation, not quick fixes. - May Samali
I also think of success as the moment I feel I'm ready to graduate people out of the coaching relationship. Because what we're doing is we're building an empowered relationship. It's not about dependency. - May Samali
You may look at coaching as a silver bullet that will fix everything. I think of the best thing is to learn to be self-sufficient and to believe in yourself to say no matter what the situation is, I'm going to figure it out. - Sabrina Wang
I keep coming back to positive psychology, that's probably a key influencer in the way that I work. So I'm very interested in that optimal combination of high performance and high mental health, positive mental health. I'm very focused on helping people to take a sort of dualistic approach to development where they're thinking about self-care and investment in the things that will bring them resilience and emotional flexibility and optimise their level of impact. What are the strengths that are unique to them? What are the values that guide their behaviour? How do we better understand these things so that we can build capacity for the future? - Ben Hudson
When?
Open to vulnerability and committed to doing the work for growth.
When?
When you're ready to do the work.
- Ben Hudson
I think that coaching is a resource that should be available to everyone throughout the different seasons of their career and life. So I would say the question is less, “when should you get it?” but rather “who is the right coach for the season you're in?” If you have generally a growth mindset, if you love learning, if you love moving through the stages of adult development, you should absolutely go for coaching. - May Samali
A coach is a big investment of time and money, so you need some level of conviction and commitment to personal growth to make it worth it. You get out what you put in. - Leah Feuer
My intuitive response is when they're ready to do the work. So when I meet someone who's interested in working with me, there are two things I look for.
One is open-mindedness, so willingness to lean into the discomfort, to the vulnerability, to not knowing. And the second thing is a real commitment for the work. Because coaching is not just reflective space, it's not just pausing and processing, it's actually about change, it's about driving towards what we're trying to achieve. - Ben Hudson
Transitional career moments.
If you're someone who's in a position where you have the opportunity to have a lot of impact and influence, whether it's in your organization or in your broader life, I think a coach can be really valuable for you. - Hannah Yan Field
I find that coaching can be most valuable for folks when they are mid-career or later. That being said, I don’t think it is about your title. It is about having sufficient life experience and when you’re on a meaningful trajectory or life transition. - Hannah Yan Field
Loved this summary and overview, so many great takeaways in there! My particular fave:
One of my favourite questions to ask clients is: “What is fact versus what is fiction?” By going back to first principles of what is factually true and delineating that from the narratives we generate to drive our perspectives, we can make more honest assessments and make better decisions. This kind of reflection is helpful for clients to improve environmental and internal awareness, learn from their mistakes, and ultimately augment their capacity to have greater agency and self-authority in their lives. - Hannah Yan Field